You know the ones.
The ones where you just want to crawl back into bed and start over.
It just seemed like 5:30 am came way too early today.  Matt’s traveling again and it also seems like the kids save their crazy sickness for the time when it’s just good old mom to fend for herself.  Little girl’s got another double ear infection (this makes her 4/5th in her 6 months) and the croup.  Last night she began coughing around 10:45–out of nowhere I might add–and her first bout lasted an hour.  She was struggling to breath a little bit, so even though I hate calling the on call doctor, I did.  She gave me some things to try to get her to stop before having to take her to the ER….
So we walked outside, poor baby in her little hat and wrapped up in her fluffy blanket, for 10 minutes and then sat in the steamy bathroom for 20.  She finally stopped coughing and her breathing settled back in.  My head finally hit the pillow at 1 am.  (disclaimer–i know some of you stay up that late all the time, every night, maybe.  don’t judge me-i’m a late night wimp.)
And the next thing I knew Grayson was hollering, “Whoo Whoo!!!!!!” at 5:30 this morning.  I’m not sure why he’s lost the ability to speak–it’s probably a pre-dawn flu or something–but all he does is yell obnoxiously.  It’s not the most pleasant way to wake up, to say the least. 

I made her an appointment with her doctor (this is an hour away and we’ve been going once every 10 days or so for a few months) and we headed up the road.

Long, boring story short…..she did have croup and another double ear infection….and the day pressed on with lots of screaming and then that doubled when I picked Gray up from mother’s day out.  He had woken up so early that his little body had no more room for patience and quietness by 4:00 in the afternoon. 

Executive decision made: drive to my parents’ house and stay with them.  I couldn’t take doing that alone again….misery loves company, you know?? 😉

Driving down there I felt pretty crazy…Ava screamed the whole way, Grayson’s in the back “whoo-whooing” to compete with her, and I’ve got music blaring trying to drown them out.  And then it hit me……

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9)

Such a peace came over me and my patience was restored, my strength renewed.  But that’s not where the story ends…..

That was on Monday that I began this post, and I did feel such a calm…thank you, God, for the Holy Spirit!!  My mistake came a few hours later as I was calmly dealing with the (continuing) screaming and misbehaving….I was proud of my behavior, my faith….instead of being thankful to God.

And you know what happens to the proud…..

(in reference to King Nebuchdadnezzar)”And those who walk in pride He is able to humble.”

The next two days I completely dissentigrated.  All that peace was gone, the patience long forgotten.  And while I do believe one good night’s sleep would do wonders, it is certainly not the answer. 

And I remember last night, as I was speaking so cruelly to my precious little boy…not terrible things, but in a terrible tone….that allowing His grace to perfect my weakness is a choice.  But even then, the choice is not the power….He Is!!!

I was not any holier for having chosen to let Him in on Monday….He was proving, yet again, His faithfulness!

My sweet husband came home last night (thank You, God!) and I asked him to pray with me and for me….for my prideful heart and my weak flesh.  How can I possibly teach my children to have fruits of the Spirit if I am fussing at them while I’m teaching??? 

I remember leading Beth Moore’s Breaking Free this spring before having Ava, and one (of several) verses jumped out at me then and last night….

“If you had only paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.”

The peace I was seeking would come from obedience.  Isn’t that crazy?  Discipline comes from discipline.  The great part is that I don’t have to accomplish it alone.

“Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

God, please rid my heart of all pride.  I want to rely on YOU for my strength, my peace.  Help me allow you to give me patience when days are long and hard.  When I feel I’ve run to the end of my rope, please extend me your grace.  Create a spirit of obedience first in me.”

Be Sociable, Share!