You know, there are just times when the stars align, and for just one brief moment, things actually make sense. This weekend was such a time. I went to Memphis (more on this soon), and shared about creativity and business and we painted and laughed. I met some people who said things I needed to hear. And it occurred to me…I need to write this post. I haven’t wanted to. I’ve put it off, avoiding it like the black lung and other unseemly ailments.
I’ve talked about it before, so why is it such a big deal for me to talk about blogging/divorce/my new life/creativity? I really can’t answer why it’s so difficult, but I do know this. If I am not able to share some of it, even in brief instances, I’ll never be able to talk design here again. Never be able to share a room or office remodel. Not consistently anyway…
When I started this blog, and eventually, this business that became Perfectly Imperfect, I had no idea, and I mean no idea, how my life would turn out. I had no clue that I’d wind up a 34 year old divorcee and I’d have such a difficult time continuing to write here. While this blog isn’t the only piece of my business, it is certainly the cornerstone of it. Now, though, It’s like this large glass barrier is here. How do I tell you about all the work I’m doing (and loving), while I’m afraid to be exactly who I am?
Whew. Talk about insecurities.
I had such plans for my life, and such a picture of what it would look like. This picture was shattered, for lack of a better expression, and picking up the pieces in real day to day living has obviously been my focus. I’ve learned that it’s okay if I walk into the school and everyone looks a little longer than they used to. I’ve learned it’s okay if everyone who knew me in my “past life” doesn’t fully know or understand the details of my divorce (as they shouldn’t…it’s private). I’ve learned that even my family is not owed an explanation. But out of love and understanding, the people who are my people, have chosen to know and understand and support. I choose to include them. And it has meant everything.
So the blog is the last place…the last piece I have to address & face before moving forward in this new life of mine. Truth? I’ve wondered what some of you think, too. I’ve wondered if you’d want to hear me talk color schemes and design boards and kids and travel. Wondered if you were disappointed or turned off. And after a year of having my writing stifled due to said fear and insecurity….screw it.
This life…it is just too short. So rapidly fleeting. So here’s the thing. Sometimes I may talk about life. And how hard it is. Or I may not. But I do know this. This blog is my outlet to share creativity in this world, and I do know I was put here to do this. This work. And now, I am working with other people I love and respect, too. I want to share those stories, those new moments of happiness. I want to go back to freely sharing it all, and telling the proverbial elephant to excuse his overbearing ass out of the room.
I am grateful for each one of you who have been reading since the beginning…and I met so many of you this last weekend. You hit me to my core. Filled me up in a way I haven’t been for some time now. Thank you for your honesty, your support, and your care. I decided a long time ago, despite how it felt and how much pain I was in, that God just wasn’t done with me yet. Surely.
And He’s not.
Things didn’t turn out like I expected. The picture is pretty cracked and doesn’t look like it did 3 years ago. But that’s alright.
It’s a little broken and torn, but it is also full of healing and real, authentic love. Full of people who are walking beside my children and me, and moments of utter joy that had been few and far between before these rips and tears existed. This is what I will choose to see.
I’m ready to write again. I’m ready to be me, all the way, again. Thanks for hanging around, for still being here. Thanks for joining me when you do.
To the next chapter, friends…
Life has so many twists and turns. Rarely does it turn out as we imagined or expected. The only thing that matters is that you keep moving forward and love those kiddos as you journey forward. You share what you are comfortable sharing. Of course people will wonder what happened especially those who have been here for years. But you do you! This is your life!
shaunna, it meant the world to us to have you here in memphis this weekend. let me affirm again what you already know (and so beautifully stated here) you are still you, with an amazing bundle of talents and gifts to share. do it on your own terms, and in your own time…we are all here for you, cheering you on. your tribe and a whole (huge) village stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you. xo
It was wonderful meeting you this weekend. Even though I was not familiar with your story, I could sense there were some broken edges. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with golden seams, and the best thing we can do for ourselves is not to hide our broken pieces, but incorporate them into a beautiful new life. I look forward to being a faithful new reader!
That is really great news, Shaunna! I have been following you for so long, and have really felt the restraint in your writing this past year. Now, you sound strong, and so brave! I look forward to reading the same type of inspiring, authentic posts you have always shared here. Please remember that even those of us you haven’t met are rooting for you!
Couldn’t love this more! Love your real life posts and decoration post equally! Praying for you and your family!
And P.S. I have been reading from the very beginning and have loved following your journey!
Hi Shauna! First and foremost thank you for sharing the real you.
My husband and I were in your mentor group last summer at Haven. I could sense that you were struggling with something in your life but you so graciously set it aside and helped others.
I look forward to your posts and your Instagram feed. You have a gift and amazing talent. Please keep doing what you do.
Wendy
Folks love your blog now for the same reason they loved your blog from the beginning. Because YOU are writing it. Your style. Your sense of humor. Your faith. They’re all still there. We all have hills to climb. Climb them at your own speed. You owe me and all your other followers nothing regarding your personal life. We love you laughing, torn, and IMPERFECT.
Shaunna,
Most of us are living a life we didn’t imagine; unless you are a Disney character. Your divorce is not an elephant in the room to me but I think it is to you. It happened and now life goes on. I WANT to know about your businesses, your creativity, see a room make over from YOU. Be yourself, be genuine.
Carla from Kansas
So happy to read this post and I cannot wait to see where and what you have in store for your future! Keep on being you!!!! That’s what we love about you and your blog!!! You never cease to amaze me!!!
Lisa W.
Thank you, Mama. You are, by far, one of the best. 🙂
Well, you know how I feel… 🙂
Shauna, you taught me how to paint. Gave me courage to do so. Perfectly Imperfect –we all are and that’s what makes this world PERFECT!
Thank YOU!
Here’s to a new chapter! 🍷🍻
There is someone in blog land who also struggles. They too want to paint their dream kitchen but the dream popped.They wonder if it matters the wall is khaki to match their heart or soft mist to match their eyes. There is a process. You are in it and you are not the only one. Maybe this time in life isn’t the “Magazine Cover” Shauna. Share what you can, as God directs you. There is someone (or a lot of ones) that need(s) encouragement. They desperately search for someone to offer words of shelter from their own fears. As you walk your path in faith, you will be a voice of encouragement and you will find strength in helping others. May God richly bless you! Much love! Jan
We are all perfectly imperfect just like you. Thank you for sharing…wondered where you were. Things will work out the way they’re supposed to!
Happy you have family supporting you.. makes it a little easier, I imagine.
Thank you for being “perfectly imperfect” . Supporting and enjoying you posts
Thank you for being “perfectly imperfect” . Supporting and enjoying you posts
The first and only time I left you a comment was to tell you that you had me with your smile. Seems as tho’ your smile has returned in a glorious way.
I am 73 and if I could have only one friend, it would definitely be you!
Take care sweetie and I know the future is going to be fantastic!
So glad you have come back to us. I’ve been reading for a long time … not sure if it’s from the beginning though. I’m sure no one thinks any less of you because of the divorce. Heck, many of the people I know have been divorced including myself. It’s not anyone’s business the “whys and wherefores” and it is your prerogative to tell or not. Stay true to your self and your real light will shine clearly. Here’s hoping you continue to feel strong and looking forward to reading more from you in the future.
Changes happen, often unexpected, maybe unwanted. The lat 4 years brought a lot of changes for me since the death of my husband after 37 years of life together. And now look at the changes and challenges our country faces. Have faith in yourself.
Have been following since the beginning (Nate Berkus show). Hang in there girl.You are loved!
Thank you for sharing. I’ve missed your posts. I look forward to reading more.
Life is not always what we plan but we can learn and grow with each new experience we have. Everyone who really matters always loves us no matter what. You can not be everything to everybody so be true to yourself and you will get through life one day at a time:)
Thank you for writing this post and sharing a little more about your life. We love you – we are here to love and support you! For me at least – nothing in your personal life has changed my opinion of you for the worst. Even though you don’t feel it all the time – you are strong and beautiful! Keep posting all your awesomeness!
Honey, bravo for closing that door and opening a window! You deserve happiness and lots of love. We tend to be our own worst critics. Hold your head up and enjoy the ride:)
Good for you! You were definitely given that huge smile for a reason, so share it! You wear it well. We all have thoughts on how our life will or should be…but God’s plans don’t always walk beside ours. As long as we accept it, trust it and are faithful…it will all work out in the end…God will be right there with us. Welcome back…you’ve been missed. 🙂
I’m sorry for all the pain you’ve been through, but I so respect your authenticity. That’s the one thing that keeps me coming back to your blog/Instagram. I want realness in my life as I think we all do and sometimes that realness is beautiful but other times its a real struggle and ugly, but it’s so very encouraging that you are willing to be real with us and let us in on the struggles (details aren’t necessary). I applaud you for sharing what you do with us, I so appreciate it. We need to be told as women/moms that perfect isn’t the goal, we all have difficulties and serious struggles at different points in our lives yet there is strength in unity and sharing our burdens. Thank you for sharing your life with us and for being real and a huge encourager. I so look forward to your posts, inspirations and teachings. May God richly bless you and your children as you continue to do you – in Him.
I’m carrying the team flag. Hallelujah!
Our Shauna is back, perfectly imperfect just like the rest of us. I can’t wait to see what unfolds for you and your kiddos. It’s great to see your creativity radiating off the page again! Blessings.
YES!!!! We’ve missed you!
From weekly lunch dates to Subway to now, you need to know that I have always looked up to you. I am a huge fan of yours. Keep sharing your creativity, your insight on life, and what God is doing in your life. We are all broken and shattered, but are not all open to being vulnerable and transparent. Thank you for your example, then and now! Love you, girl!
So glad you are back to writing on your blog. I’ve missed it! Hugs to you.
Shauna, I am one of the privileged few who were part of your mentor group at the conference in Atlanta last summer. It remains one of the highlights of my blogging experience. To me you are a rare example of humility, truth and authenticity. I am sorry for your life’s road bump and wish you the happiness you deserve and that you have always sprinkled upon those of us who value your creativity and contribution to the blogosphere.
Sandra
Nice to have you back… you have been missed. Life happens, we grow through our struggles…hang in there, we got your back!
Thank you for sharing your story…I am also facing divorce and I am not ready to admit it. I’ve been separated from my husband since August and I have yet to tell my co-workers and friends. I’m so ashamed and feel like such a failure that I just hide it and pretend like all is good on the Homefront. I pray daily for courage like you to be able to own my truth. Your story was an inspiration! Thank you for being so brave!!
Kelly…good grief I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll tell you I totally understand. There was a long, painful time of that for me. I do pray for moments of clarity, and courage and a sense of worth and understanding. For what God would have your marriage look like. And peace…for whatever may come. Tell you a secret? Just by leaving a comment, you’re already braver than you give yourself credit for. Sending love your way.
Hi Shaunna, I have always been a fan of yours all the way in Australia. Love your creativity, your blogs & sharing of your life. I am saddened to hear about your divorce but God sees and knows the bigger picture. Allow Him to use you to help people who may be going through the same hurt you’ve experienced and speak Life into them. The song from Bethel tides album – ‘I can feel You’ comes to mind. Please have a listen.
Looking forward to seeing more of your amazing gift of creativity!
Hi Shauna
Way back when I first stumbled into the wonderful world of blogs it was Perfectly Imperfect and the Lettered Cottage that was my introduction. I haven’t stopped following Shauna but have missed hearing your voice. I understand although I don’t know details of your story because I have experienced a similar valley during the last 3 years so wanted you to know I’m with you and it takes time to find your voice when you’re hurt. You’ve encouraged me ☺️