There’s just something about being broken.
After you’re at your bottom, whatever that looks like at your place in life, you begin to slowly crawl your way back up…if you’re lucky. And while you’re crawling up, you’ve already recognized it. You can almost taste it. Know it’s real. And while you’re terrified, you wonder if it just might be there after all.
You feel hope.
And in the knowing, there’s an overwhelming sense of connection…to everything. That every thing, person, music note, relationship, word spoken is all connected. That life is painfully difficult and it is messy and it is absolutely, 100% broken. Somewhere along the way, you realize…there is beauty in that. Beauty in brokenness. In the redemption of yourself, of your work, of your relationships.
When I met John and Ashely, and the people in Opelika, I really didn’t have any idea of the impact knowing them would have on me. At the time, life “looked normal.” My family life looked normal from the outside, I had a pilot airing on HGTV, I had recently published a book, opened a second store, blah blah. Life looked good.
The truth is, though, it wasn’t. During one of the highs of my professional life, the rest was crumbling…and honestly, there are no words for me to use to convey exactly how I felt. What was happening inside me personally was and is still too raw to try to verbally express. I was private about it, maybe even to a fault. I didn’t tell my family, didn’t tell anyone, really.
So when the time came and people knew about my divorce, I realize it came as a shock. It was too sudden (for them) to wrap their heads around, and I was utterly alone. I wasn’t trying to win sides and share every single reason and prove that I was right. Truthfully, I don’t regret that and I won’t apologize for it. I wanted to provide as much normalcy for my children as possible, and that meant I wasn’t going to be standing in the downtown square shouting my side of the story to the rooftops. I chose to keep all that to myself for my kids and because I knew I didn’t have to prove how right I was to anyone…honestly, all that was between me and God and for no one else.
All that to say, I remember that day I sat in the conference room with John and told him I was getting a divorce. I felt like I was telling everyone all over again, and I waited for the disappointment. I waited for the judgement I’d grown quite accustomed to. I waited for the words to form in my head I’d spoken relentlessly to others…”I know. I’m sorry if you don’t understand. This is a choice I’ve had to make, and it’s the right one. I hope one day you’ll understand more, but I can’t make my decisions based on outside people. This is for my kids, and this is for me.” God, I dreaded saying it again.
But you know what?
I didn’t have to say a word. He nodded. That was the day we were meeting about me consulting with them part time. And while that’s certainly not a normal “job interview” conversation, I knew they deserved one. It’s always been about more than work with them. He looked at me and simply said, “I’m so sorry, Shaunna. But I know your story isn’t done. I know there’s redemption for things like this, and a few years ago I wouldn’t have been able to say that to you. Because God saved my marriage…I used to think they were all the same. But they’re not. And you get to start over now. Go slow. You go so fast, and for once in your life, go slow and figure out what you really want and build the life you want to lead.”
If you could have been inside my head…I laugh now just thinking about my internal reaction. I had no idea what to think.
I’d experienced all kinds of reactions. Looking back, I’m grateful for a handful of people that stood by me and knew me well enough to just be there. They trusted my heart and my intentions and they just flat out loved me. In the realest of ways. They didn’t see me as less. I could list their names out, but Lord, they know who they are.
And John and Ashely (and even everyone else at MC)…never made me answer one question. They were just there. They’ve just continued to accept me and my messy life and take care of me in the way friends should. They challenge me, and to be truthful, that handful of people? They are the sole reason I came back to a place where God could work in me again. A place where I could feel hope and some worth and see beauty in all this brokenness. They gave me Grace.
Which is what we touch on today in this last segment of our silly videos…and that’s why I’m there. Because just like some worn down dilapidated building, they saw a second chance in me. Cheesy as that is. You live it and you feel truly alone and you feel unworthy…it’s not cheesy at all. It means everything.
So beyond the construction and branding and business consulting and design and photography and all those things I love professionally…I’m there because of that one liner. “Beauty in brokenness.” I hope you’ve enjoyed getting to know our crazy team, and who knows, maybe one of you needs to hear that same truth today. Promise it’s real.
In my experience, when things break, it’s really a way to push through the pain in order to let God put us back together even better. In that reassembly, the wrong people and situations are exposed and cleared, leaving only the real connections. I’ve come to celebrate even the empty spaces since they’ll soon be filled with God’s best. I believe your purpose here has always been your truth, your God given talent with words, your creativity, and your willingness to care enough to share all the while being badass enough to got care what people think.
The Marsh crew is a special group of folks. Funny how broken people see the light through the cracks more easily. You’re all blessed to share this chapter. Can’t wait to see all the beauty you continue to create because of having been broken.
Your story is the story of others who have traveled, or perhaps are traveling, a similar path. I have traveled that difficult, heartbreaking path as well. And God was there, making all things happen for good. It can be amazing how He puts the best in front of us, holds us up until we can see it and brings us people who help sustain us through it. Thanks for sharing for the benefit of others. And you are back, sharing your story and experience–as only you can. Yes, you.are.back.
Shauna, I had the joy of being assigned to yourself team at The Haven Conference last year. You left an indelible mark on me. You’re grace is awesome and you are an example of strength and conviction. I am sorry for yourself challenges and know you will thrive! Sandra
Shauna, I was also in your mentor group at Haven last year. I’m going through some brokenness now and still struggling to see the light and hope, but I do know its there. Thank you for sharing even just a small part of your story with us. You are definitely thriving in this new venture. Keep on!
Gloria
What a blessing for you Shauna. Been there myself.
God is good; He places people in our lives with perfect timing.
As I sit here drinking a glass of wine and checking in on this story, I can’t believe that sometimes I think we are alike in some ways. I live in Auburn and I have been redesigning and painting furniture since 2011. In fact, you were one of my inspirations before you got… famous. About the time things were looking up for me in the whole “upcycle -let’s paint anything we find on the side of the street/dumpster” movement, I too became separated. With 4 kids, ages 17 – 9 at the time, chaotic was a good term for it. Thank God for hoarding antiques and vintage stuff to paint is all I can say, lol!
Why the Universe thinks it’s a good idea to hit us with a leftover 2×4 in our garage during these times is beyond me.
But it happens.
And we have to deal with it.
I’ve met John myself (back before the hubs and I were separated and looking for a spot to lease ourselves in Opelika). Now he’s a nice guy and I got a good feeling from him, so I’m pretty sure you’re in good hands there Shaunna. If he doesn’t, let me know cause I’m pretty sure I have all his leased properties marked out, LOL!!!
Geez I hope we are talking about the same guy cause I’m gonna be pretty darned embarrassed if we aren’t…… (blame the glass of wine on this).
Brokenness is OKAY though. Brokenness is actually cool.
Carl Jung said “That through chaos comes transformation”.
I have always kept that in the forefront of my head during these freaking God-awful times because nothing else makes sense when it hits us squarely between the eyes.
And this is when wine becomes our best friend though, lol.
Ok, enough with my novel here.
Point being is that you have a lot of people and support around you. John and Ashley have your back; the rest of us do too… regardless of what you do or where you end up. You’ve been kinda our painting/decorating/you can freaking do it/make your own store kind of goddess, and I’m pretty sure that won’t end any time soon.
Your store rocks in Troy….
Your store rocks in Opelika…
And when the dust settles….
We’ll all still be here waiting (and drooling… well… maybe not that….), on your next adventure.
Keep your chin up girl – your story ain’t done yet.